Well, I’m bored… I actually just spent the past few minutes writing a rant for this page, but it seemed too pessimistic so I deleted it. Basically the gist was, I’m bored, this page needs more updates, I can now get through 20 comic strip sites in 20 minutes, and I have 3 hours to kill =) Pretty pointless. Like this! Only this is much shorter. Oliver would’ve killed me had I posted the other one. Oliver might kill me for posting this… but I don’t believe he is that evil. Oliver has never struck me as an evil nor diabolical guy. Now I’m not saying Oliver strikes me as a sweet cute lovable huggable type guy either. Though I’m sure some people do think that. I wonder if Oliver would object to me putting a story about him on here… mind you, I have no obsession for Oliver… just… it’s his site… and I’m bored. =)
Once there was a guy named Oliver, who coincidentally, had the last name Wong. Oliver liked his name, and took it with him everywhere he went. He liked his name so much, he started signing it to his papers, and on his checks, and debit slips. Pretty soon, other people started noticing Olivers name, and started calling him by it. After that, almost everyone that knew Oliver, knew him by his name. His name was a big success. Then Oliver made friends. But, due to backstabbing and treachery, he soon lost these friends. One such friend was Matthew Minix. Oliver told Matt that he would help him with a website, that they would both work on. Now, while Oliver said he would help Matt, he knew full well that he would be doing all the work on it himself. However, after Matt paid for the site, Oliver did nothing with it! He just let it sit there… which isn’t to say he was totally heartless… he didn’t make the site sit on the cold hard floor, but rather gave the site a chair to sit on, and a little plant for shade, and to produce oxygen if the site so needed. But this simple act of kindness wasn’t enough. The site felt empty, and Matt, having birthed the site, was saddened by Olivers almost complete surrender of the site to the harshness of the world known as cyberspace. Pretty soon, all of Olivers other friends began to notice his cruelty. And they all left him in the gutter to rot and decay. One such person was Van Nguyen. Van had long suspected Oliver of being an evil fiend of Satan, but being one himself, Van had never cared. But Van was sympathetic towards websites, being on a dial-up connection, he knew how fragile they were, and he appreciated each byte they entailed. When he saw the lack of attention Oliver had given CoconutComics.com Van screamed (Editors Note: He screamed like a little girl) he began to sob. After this, he could no longer look upon Oliver again. Another friend that abandoned Oliver, was named Chad Wilson. For a long time, Chad respected Oliver, as a person. But, Chad himself, was a racist. One day before school began, Chad desperately needed a haircut. He asked Oliver to pay for a haircut which Oliver agreed to do (which btw, still gotta pay you back Oliver! Don’t let me forget!!) After Chad’s haircut, his hair was finally, for the first time in perhaps 3 years, above his eyes. Chad could see! He looked towards Oliver, and noticed that Oliver was chinese. That was the last time Chad ever spoke to Oliver. (Except to borrow more money later) Even those friends that tried to make a friendship with Oliver work, he soon alienated. One such person, was Nancy Wong. Having the same last name as Oliver, everyone always assumed they’d get married. But, pretty soon, he took something very dear to Nancy. A toynapping if you will. He did this with the help of Van, who, at the time was still his friend. When Nancy discovered it was Oliver and Van who had taken her toy, she threw herself off of the UT Tower, only to be heard of once again, and that being when she hit the ground and mumbled an “Uh!”
At this point in his life, Oliver only had a few friends… none of which were close. Over time, these relationships faded as well. One friend, a guy named Brook, who ironically enough, had an aversion to saying the name Matt… tried with all of his heart to keep his relationship with Oliver… but it was not to be. One day, Brook’s car broke down. The truth came out. Oliver was only friends with Brook for his explorer. Another friend, Mark, stopped being friends with Oliver, after Olivers 427th attempt to get him to say “Polo”
At this point, Oliver became a recluce. Locking himself in his room, staring at the one thing that kept him whole. A poster of Josh Hartnett. He would every night, pray to the poster. Praying that the great Josh would come, and save him from his demise. But the posters ears were closed. A month after locking himself in his room, his two sisters, Olivia, and Oriana planned a trap for him. Oriana hid behind a crate, while Olivia snuck behind him. Olivia AWP’ed her brother, at a range of 800 pixels.
And so ended, the tragic life, of someones whose name, is now better left forgotten.
-Minix