How do you figure out what God wants you to do? I often find myself wanting something and my desire for it clouds my prayers and judgments. I find it hard to listen through the wants to figure out what God wants rather than what I want. My prayers are said asking to know what He wants, but with the thought tugging at the back of my head begging for it to be what I want as well. Am I boxing God into what I want and not listening to what He wants?
These are all rhetorical questions, really, I don’t expect answers from you all. =)
There are some people in the world that realize they have a calling from God and they pursue it. In the past, people used to tell me I was lucky for knowing what I wanted to do (as far as general career direction, college degree, etc.). I find people who know what God wants them to be more “lucky.” Sometimes I don’t know if I’m living the life I want while sprinkling little acts here and there to appease God while I go about my merry way.
I used to think that when I prayed to ask for something, I was almost jinxing myself. I knew the prayer and what I was asking for was selfish and back in my head, I thought that God probably wouldn’t give it to me just because I was being selfish and asking for it. He needed to teach me a lesson that I didn’t need it and I needed to think about others rather than myself. I still end up being more self-centered in my prayers than I should be, probably.
I’m not really sure what all this rambling is getting at, just kinda throwing my thoughts out there I suppose. When it gets down to it, I think the core of the matter is that I need to get closer to God and listen more to figure out what He wants and have the courage and will to go through with it.
“Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it’s stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you’re the problem and you can’t feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won’t be alone
Take back now, my life you’re stealing
Yesterday was hell
But today I’m fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you’d be
That face is tearing holes in me again” - All-American Rejects