I used to play this game when I was a kid using the digits of today’s date (11/1/2006) and tried to make various equations out of it… like…

(1+1+1) * 2 = 6 + 0 + 0

It worked better when there weren’t so many zeros.

How do you figure out what God wants you to do? I often find myself wanting something and my desire for it clouds my prayers and judgments. I find it hard to listen through the wants to figure out what God wants rather than what I want. My prayers are said asking to know what He wants, but with the thought tugging at the back of my head begging for it to be what I want as well. Am I boxing God into what I want and not listening to what He wants?

These are all rhetorical questions, really, I don’t expect answers from you all. =)

There are some people in the world that realize they have a calling from God and they pursue it. In the past, people used to tell me I was lucky for knowing what I wanted to do (as far as general career direction, college degree, etc.). I find people who know what God wants them to be more “lucky.” Sometimes I don’t know if I’m living the life I want while sprinkling little acts here and there to appease God while I go about my merry way.

I used to think that when I prayed to ask for something, I was almost jinxing myself. I knew the prayer and what I was asking for was selfish and back in my head, I thought that God probably wouldn’t give it to me just because I was being selfish and asking for it. He needed to teach me a lesson that I didn’t need it and I needed to think about others rather than myself. I still end up being more self-centered in my prayers than I should be, probably.

I’m not really sure what all this rambling is getting at, just kinda throwing my thoughts out there I suppose. When it gets down to it, I think the core of the matter is that I need to get closer to God and listen more to figure out what He wants and have the courage and will to go through with it.

“Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it’s stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you’re the problem and you can’t feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won’t be alone
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I’m fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you’d be
That face is tearing holes in me again” - All-American Rejects

I had some deeper thoughts to post about but I got tired. Haha, too bad for you! Happy Halloween though, be safe. ;)

Having a public blog is problematic sometimes. Things happen that sometimes are a bit too touchy or weird to talk about publicly (or maybe it just makes too big of a deal out of something small by being so public?) so even if I have something to write about, I don’t because… yeah. Haha. Sometimes I make private blog entries, but that seems kinda scary sometimes. It’s like writing a private letter and hiding it under a rock in the playground… what if something happens and someone finds it? =p

Maybe that’s why people used to keep diaries (or for the more “manly,” journals)… of course, what if someone stole that?… Hmmm, maybe I should be like Bale in The Prestige and write everything with a cipher… ;)

Ebonics iz almost like uh cipher. I wonder how it iz going ta translate dis here sentence! don’t make me shank ya!

Ummm… I don’t like how nights get here sooner now. Pooo.

Blog later. Tired.

So Van, Viraj and I went down to San Antonio to visit Nancy. Today we spent most of the day lounging around and making food… we made a pie for Avani and then went to her birthday dinner. Unfortunately, Viraj did not manage to get his mack on and score an eligible Indian hottie, but maybe next time, bud.

I’m gonna go smash my face into a pillow now, adios!

To San Antonio!

Yesterday, I got some memory foam for my bed and it makes it a lot more comfy. I think I need to air it out a bit though cause it smells like fresh styrofoam or something, haha. No more springs stabbing my back! It’s funny because I never used to mind my bed until Nancy sat on it once and mentioned how horrible it was. Then I realized. It was. =(

Haha… anyways, I think the memory foam has rectified that problem and now it is comfy… but still not as comfy as that couch downstairs…

I’ve been slacking on the blogging a bit. =)

So I have found out that once I’ve reached a consistent sleeping/eating schedule and that’s thrown off, my body feels all weird and out of wack. Kinda like I can’t tell when/if I’m hungry or tired or whatever anymore and I feel like I’m half-hungry/half-tired all the time, haha. Anyways, guess that’s why I should keep to my “schedule” I suppose. =p

This week I caught up on Heroes, Lost, and Battlestar Galactica, all of which have been highly enjoyable. Recommended. =) I also have not been running in an attempt to let my shin heal up, so we’ll see how that goes. I would like to run the Race for the Cure on the 5th…

I’ve posted these before… like two years ago, but whatever, it’s fun…

“Sometimes I wonder
If I’ll ever find her
The one that God’s chosen for me
And what if I find her,
But she doesn’t like me,
I guess that disproves destiny
But I should know better,
The sea is much wetter
With plenty of fishes to see
(For you and me)
And I know my Father
Has scoped out the water
And picked out a fishy for me” - Philmore

Battlestar Galactica Season 3, Episode 4.

!!!!!!!

That is all.

The rechargeable batteries I’ve used in my flash are kinda dead I think. They don’t hold a charge very well. Anyone done any research on good batteries and chargers? I want something good.

MacBook Pros were apparently updated today… most notably, Core 2 Duos now as well as FW800 in the 15”… the rest is rather minimal I think… nothing unexpected, nor tempting. I’ll probably wait a revision or two before I upgrade.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go visit some random city by myself with nothing planned really except to explore the city with just my camera. I’ve played with the idea of buying a random cheap plane ticket off DING! or something for a weekend and just disappear for a while. Thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve ever gone anywhere by myself… I’ve always either had friends or family, which probably makes things less boring, but it seems like there’s some fun in exploring by yourself too…

“here’s another song with the four
oldest chords in history
I guess I lost all ambition turning left on Missouri
I could have made it better
but the feelings just aren’t there
my heart is cold and black
but I just don’t think I care
so here’s to me saying “fare-thee-well”
and when you hear this song I hope it hurts like hell

enamel is stretched too thin
you’re beautiful, but not beneath your skin
(enamel, like insect shells
so hollow, like your wedding bells.)” - Brave Saint Saturn