Re: Christian.
…
Despite having an incredibly strong urge to let it out, I had been waiting until Van made it public until I posted something about it, but now that it’s out, here goes. =) (here is Sam’s post and mine after Van talked with us). I don’t think I am as gifted with words as Van or Brook or even Andrew or Chad or… well, all my other roommates (except for Sam because he can barely speak English ;), so bear with me. =)
I’ve been a Christian for much of my life and it’s been littered with a few “spiritual highs” which mostly revolved around when I got baptized or during retreats. In fact, most of the landmarks in my walk with Christ have been selfish and rather… well, lame as far as making a difference goes. Recently, I’ve felt as if I’d plateaued and was falling into “middle-class American Christian who goes to church on Sundays and leads a ‘good’ life” mode.
Van talked about praying for direction, something that I also was looking for (aren’t we all? =). I think God not only answered Van’s prayers, but mine as well. The past few weeks have been incredibly awesome starting with more frequent talks about God/Christianity/prayer with Van, Tony Campolo’s sermon, and then eventually Van sitting down with both Sam and I and telling us that he had “made the step.”
When I pray, really pray, I cry. I think that’s something I inherit from my mom =). As of late, my prayer life has been rather crappy like I was just going through the motions, filling a quota. I wasn’t crying. After Tony Campolo’s talk, I cried. I was amazed at how insanely applicable his talk about prayer was to Van’s questions we had been talking about days previously. When Van told Sam and I about the days leading to his acceptance of Christ, I was on the verge of tears. I’ve always grown up knowing God answered prayers, but I don’t know if I truely believed that until this. Similarly, I think my faith has been mostly an intellectual one, rather than one of trust and love. I knew the “right” answers, the things you learned in Sunday school. I knew things, but did I really believe them?
It was absolutely amazing to listen to Van explain how his prayer was answered. There were so many things that just clicked into place for him. Talks with many people about prayer, the from-the-heart response rather than a template answer from his Elements leader, Tony Campolo’s sermon, my mom’s words of love and wisdom, and heck, one of his roommate’s is the Liquid Prayer Lounge leader! I have never before felt God so real in my whole life as when Van was professing all this to us. To see Him acting before my very eyes in one of my best friends’ lives was awesome.
I feel very alive now. I feel that God is very alive now. I’ve been crying when I pray alone, and I think that’s awesome. I cry tears of joy, tears of excitment as I feel my faith grow and God’s love pouring down on me. I knew that God loves. I knew he was love. Now, I feel that love. How awesome is that?!
Van thanked me for being his friend since high school keyboarding as we hugged each other that night. Van, thank you for not letting all the crap in this world stop you from finding God and allowing me to witness it first hand. Thank you for allowing me to witness the power of prayer and the love of God. God, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.
I’m not the best writer, like I said earlier, I think my writing skills are rather weak compared to many of my roommates (especially when it comes to expressing emotions), so I’m going to end with Dandelions because it’s a prayer, it describes a lot of the amazingness of God I’m feeling at the moment (especially the latter part), and I think God has given Reese Roper a gift with words I could only dream of. =)
In a field of yellow flowers,
underneath the sun,
bluest eyes that spark with lightning,
boy with shoes undone.
He is young, so full of hope,
reveling in tiny dreams,
filling up, his arms with flowers,
right for giving any queen.
Running to her beaming bright,
while cradling his prize.
A flickering of yellow light,
within his mother’s eyes.
She holds them to her heart,
keeping them where they’ll be safe,
clasped within her very marrow,
dandelions in a vase.
She sees love, where anyone else would see weeds.
all hope is found.
Here is everything he needs.
Fathomless your endless mercy,
weight I could not lift.
Where do I fit in this puzzle,
what good are these gifts?
Not a martyr, or a saint,
scarcely can I struggle through.
All that I have ever wanted,
was to give my best to you.
Lord, search my heart,
create in me something clean.
Dandelions
you see flowers in these weeds.
Gently lifting hands to heaven,
softened by the sweetest hush,
a Father sings over his children,
loving them so very much.
More than words could warrant,
deeper than the darkest blue,
more than sacrifice could merit,
Lord, I give my heart to you.
Lord, search my heart,
create in me something clean.
Dandelions
you see flowers in these weeds.
Edit: After reading all this again, I think World Without End is perhaps more “fit” but I don’t want to quote it again since I already did. =) So just… um… go read it again and praise God. =)
